i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
