I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
