she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
