can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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