I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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