i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
