And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
