Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
