I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
