she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
