I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
