I can feel you judging me through the phone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
