his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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