And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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