this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
