I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
