Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
