You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
