Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
