I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
