I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
