Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
