So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
