I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
