Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The air was thick with penises
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
