is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
