my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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