Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
