working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
