And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love you. Go after that dick
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
