i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
