how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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