Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The best revenge is premature balding
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
two words...techno handjob
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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