I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
