my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
