and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
