so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
