Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
