The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
