I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're a waste of cheezeits
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
