if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
