Say something about gay babies.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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