Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
