Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
