Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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