3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
