I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
