Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
