You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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