Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
